I am currently engaging in a form of procrastination. Oh, not the typical avoiding a large writing assignment form. Instead it is the point of admitting defeat to my external hard-drive. I have one more chance – let the recovery software run for as long as it takes (we got to 3 days and then I turned it off last time) and if that doesn’t work, then it is all gone.
I’m not sure how I feel about the fact that all my graduate school assignments, all my draft novels, all the poetry, short stories, journal entries, letters, articles … are likely gone. A well-meaning friend said, “Think of it as a fresh start.” Yeah. Fresh start. Jarring loss. Half empty, half full.
But part of me wonders why I moved all that writing to the hard-drive. And why I didn’t back-up the back-up when I had problems with the drive a few months ago. It was almost as if, subconsciously, I wanted the writing to disappear. Perhaps I craved a fresh start as it were.
I’m a firm believer in things happening for a reason. Karma. What is meant to be will be.
But I’m having a hard time believing there is a reason behind the loss of my writing …