I am currently engaging in a form of procrastination.  Oh, not the typical avoiding a large writing assignment form.  Instead it is the point of admitting defeat to my external hard-drive.  I have one more chance – let the recovery software run for as long as it takes (we got to 3 days and then I turned it off last time) and if that doesn’t work, then it is all gone.

I’m not sure how I feel about the fact that all my graduate school assignments, all my draft novels, all the poetry, short stories, journal entries, letters, articles … are likely gone.  A well-meaning friend said, “Think of it as a fresh start.”  Yeah.  Fresh start.  Jarring loss.  Half empty, half full.

But part of me wonders why I moved all that writing to the hard-drive.  And why I didn’t back-up the back-up when I had problems with the drive a few months ago.  It was almost as if, subconsciously, I wanted the writing to disappear.  Perhaps I craved a fresh start as it were.

I’m a firm believer in things happening for a reason.  Karma.  What is meant to be will be.

But I’m having a hard time believing there is a reason behind the loss of my writing …

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